The holidays are here. A time of joy with "family that are dear to us". But what happens when, with your best intentions, it just doesn't feel joyful? Many of us get together with the hope of laughter and cheer for the holiday season, only to find ourselves feeling frustrated, angry, hurt and resentful with family members who, no matter how hard we try, can still push our buttons-sending us reeling into the emotional abyss.
The question at hand is not - what they are doing to you, but what is it that feeds your story of blame that has you continuing to perceive their actions as a threat to you. What is it that you need from them to validate you?
Don't think you need their validation? Then think again.
Anytime we need to be right about a person, place or thing, its because we need validation of who we are, what we believe and what we perceive. Many of us deep down still long for this validation from our parents. Or it shows up with our in laws, as we struggle to find validation and acceptance in the dynamics. This usually happens directly or via our spouse who is caught in the crossfire. Or sometimes we need the approval from a sibling, because we have always felt less than them when we were growing up.
The problem is that many of those that we search for validation from are out of alignment with themselves: with their own Source energy. They are still searching for their own validation and so they are not able to give us the validation we look for, because their love has conditions. We are looking for something that can never truly exists outside ourselves. Osho the great mystic believed that in order for us to have complete freedom we must metaphorically kill off our mother and father. What he meant by this is that we must not rely on their, or anyone else's, vision of us. That you must rely on your own value and your connection to your own inner wisdom (Source energy) to show you who you are, without approval of others. When you find the calm of certainty your in the right place. No one outside yourself has the answers to the questions that allow your story to unfold. Only you. Only you can supply the love that you seek.
Love is unconditional - Love is freedom. And true love must start with the love of self. How do you get that? You choose. You choose to love yourself. That's it. Then you work your way through the ups and downs.
Have the courage and strength this holiday season to need nothing from your family. Allow yourself to truly witness them for who they are, not for who you need them to be. Along with the presents of the season, give your kindness, give your compassion and most importantly give your love. Live free!