There are a lot of people who struggle with confidence issues, but when those struggles go much deeper than a lack of confidence about a situation or ability, it can lead to depression. Many people struggle with confidence due to trauma and this trauma creates havoc on a person’s, self esteem and self worth, leaving them to feel isolated and alone.
What Is Depression?
Depression is a feeling of sadness, hopelessness, or despondency that last for an unusually long period of time and significantly affects the quality of a person’s life. Depression has been found to be associated with many forms of victimization, including sexual, violent crime, bullying, domestic abuse, physical or verbal abuse, and health or economic situations caused by unexpected circumstances.
A cycle of Depression is created when, due to the trauma, a person creates certain thoughts about themselves in regards to how they feel in connection to the situation. Habitually focusing upon these thoughts can create doubt in personal ability and a vacuum of self judgment.
When a sense of discord is felt, it’s because their beliefs no longer match who they are or what they want from life. The inner being yearns for a more satisfying existence yet the focus is still on thoughts created by the past.
Depression can be like a cancerous tumor fed by these beliefs; it continues to grow as long as it is supported by toxic thoughts of doubt, shame, and guilt. However, once recognized, with time and diligence it can be overcome with new thought patterns and beliefs that can send it into remission.
Here are 8 steps you can take to today to stop the sadness from taking over your life and move towards recovery if you are suffering from depression.
1. ALLOW IT TO BE OKAY
The first and most important thing about depression is acceptance of your condition. Acknowledge your feelings and allow them to be okay. Don’t pressure yourself into feeling as though you have to play a part for anyone else. The “just be happy” sentimentality of much of the New Age movement has been somewhat misguided, to make people believe that they must be happy all the time andif they’re not then there is something wrong with them. This is absolutely not true! We are human beings having emotional experiences. That means that we will never sustain one emotion indefinitely and our so called “negative” emotions are just as important as our “positive” ones.
2. LISTEN TO YOUR EMOTIONAL GUIDANCE
Call it your EPS, your Emotional Positioning System. Your negative emotions are there for you to indicate when you are having thoughts that do not align with who you truly are. Your inner spiritual self that is always connected to you, knows that you have a divine purpose, that you and all of your experiences are part of a path to the uniqueness that is you. You don’t ever have to live up to anyone’s idea of you. Your EPS tells you when you are closer to being in alignment with your truth and when you are disconnecting. When you are in alignment you feel sense of well being, joy, excitement, passion and when you disconnect your discord shows up in anger, resentment, jealousy, and depression. The idea is to acknowledge where the bad feeling are coming from and then let them show you what it is you do want.
3. DON’T BE AFRAID TO GET ANGRY
Anger is a healthy emotion as long as you don’t force your anger on to another person. Anger is the emotion of action! When you experience trauma in your life, especially at a young age, the tendency is to try and figure out how you could have behaved differently so you could have avoided something so painful. Society’s ideas of right and wrong also play a part in how you feel about yourself after the trauma you experience. You become the judge of yourself, holding yourself accountable, for the actions of others. This inner judgment causes anger to get misdirected or shut inside causing depression. Ever hear the saying that “depression is anger turned inside out”. Letting this anger out in a safe environment with someone you trust helps to set yourself into action and allows an opening for the healing to begin. So let it out, you have a right to feel your emotions fully. The trick is not to stay there indefinitely and to not let it go back in, causing more depression.
4. TURN TO APPRECIATION
It can be hard to appreciate anything when you’re feeling depressed about your given circumstances, but appreciation isn’t so much about trying to find some big improvement from your current feelings. It’s about changing your feelings all together. It is impossible to be depressed if you are in appreciation. You cannot exist emotionally in both places at the same time. So when you’re feeling down try to think of at least one small thing that has happened recently or find an object that reminds you of something that makes you feel good and acknowledge your appreciation. You may have to do it over and over, but that’s okay. You want to begin to train your brain to let go of thoughts that feel bad and to refocus on thoughts that feel good.
5. FIGURE OUT THE GIFT
Okay, this may sound crazy to you at this moment, but here is the truth; every experience carries with it a gift. That gift is who you are because of the experience. Are you a better dad because of the abuse you got from your parents as a child? Are you more empathic, creative, and artistic, because of the abuse you have suffered? Are you emotionally stronger than most, determined, adventurous because of it? What is your take away? Find it. Own it. Then give it to the world. By figuring out who you have become, in a positive way from your experience, the greater your ability to heal will be. You may not be that accepting at this point on how the gift was received, but at least try to see what the gift is. Love yourself for being a strong student of life, able to receive life’s knowledge, so that you may share it with the world.
6. GIVE BACK
Once you have clarity on what you have gained through your experience, live you’re day to day giving it back. Are you more sensitive and compassionate towards others having suffered being bullied in school? Then share that sensitivity and compassion in everything that you do. Let it shine through in your job or career choice, your parenting, in your politics, or your relationships with others. Are you more ambitious or determined then reach great heights so you can give back to others who may need a hand. By giving back you take the thoughts and focus off yourself, you move into action and you give purpose to your life.
7. MEDITATION, SUBLIMINAL MESSAGING AND BINAURAL BEATS
Meditation is one of the most important elements in recovery of depression. If you can find it in your day to meditate for at least 15 min you will begin to discover a place of love in the universe. Meditation is not about shutting out the world, stopping all thoughts and trying to do something- that is nothing. Meditation is about taking the time to stop and receive the richness of the moment of being in the here and now. It’s about taking the time to listen to your inner self so you can honor what it is telling you it needs. Meditation releases the feel good endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine, so that you feel calmer and more content. These feel good helpers often get depleted by addiction and stress brought on by trauma, so it’s important to help the brain help itself by replacing these in a natural way.
It can be difficult in the beginning to change your thought patterns on your own. The habit of your thoughts run deep and in order to create new neuron pathways it is helpful to use tools like subliminal messaging to support new thought choices. I find the best time to listen is at night while falling asleep or all night long as you sleep. It not only supports recovery, it can actually help speed up the process.
Another helpful tool is the use of binaural beats. You can use these alone or with subliminal messaging. Binaural beats are sound waves set at certain frequencies to achieve different states within the brain. Your brain cells generate electricity as a way to communicate with each other. This electrical activity forms patterns known as brain waves. When you listen to binaural beats of a certain frequency, your brain waves will synchronize with that frequency. As the brain reorganizes at a higher level of functioning, a new and improved map of reality (the way in which we perceive the world to be) is created.
8. FIND COACH OR COUNSELOR
Depression is not an overnight fix. You don’t get to just choose not to be depressed and have it go away. It takes time and work to create new pathways in the brain to override the years of emotional trauma. You can do it alone, but your chances of successfully changing your state of depression are higher with the help of someone you trust. As a coach I work with my clients step by step discovering what it is that is causing their anguish. Some are very clear on their traumatic situation, for others it is much deeper, and they have no real idea why they are depressed. Together we work to replace the negative thoughts with thoughts that support what it is you truly want out of life. I am by your side while we refocus your life, so you can create who and what you deserve, because you are special, you are unique and you are loved.
Don’t suffer through depression alone, becoming a victim is not always a choice but staying one is. Decide today to make a different choice. Decide today to choose your future over your past. Depression does not have to be your life. There is another way. If you need my help, I am here for you. You can contact me here.
Certain indicators of Depression include irritability, a lack of self interest or interest in social activities, weight loss or gain, poor or erratic sleep patterns, loss of concentration, excessive feelings of shame, guilt or unworthiness, excessive worrying and thoughts of suicide. If you feel any of these describes your current behavior, please seek help, you are not alone, 1 in 5 people suffer from depression at some point in their lives.